pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Randomize
