Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
17 year olds will be the death of me.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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