i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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