I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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