I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
