I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
