She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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