TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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