we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
