my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
