her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
Randomize
