Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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