She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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