Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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