god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
