I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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