i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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