Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
