If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
