My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
