Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
