He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
