i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Randomize
