how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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