Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I believe in your delicious
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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