Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
