matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
