i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
