I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
