The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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