I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Randomize
