nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I just pynch a tree in the face
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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