you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
