But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
