I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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