You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
