I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
