so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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