we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
