Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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