hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
time to smoke my breakfast
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
