I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
