obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I'm always down for nudity.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
