That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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