If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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