How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
