ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
