The maid of honor just puked.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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