Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
