i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
